There is limited research and very little truly usable knowledge about love.
However, there are many beliefs--often contradictory or paradoxical--about love. Examples:
· Love grows after marriage--or--Love leaves after the marriage
ceremony.
· People in love are crazy--or--A wise person marries for love.
· You know within minutes or hours if you can love a person--or-
-Love may develop after you have known each other for months or years.
· Love solves most of life's problems; it's the way to find happiness--or--You can't live with a man/women and you can't live without them.
· Love is nature's trick to insure the species--or--Love and sex are two different things.
· Love is the only thing needed for a good marriage; love conquers all--or--Constant work and many coping skills are needed to maintain a marriage.
· Love is blind; it is an addiction--or--Marriages are made in
heaven.
· People in love shouldn't have sex until they are married--or-- Sex is the most intense and noble expression of love.
· Love blots out all other interest in other people--or--You can
love two people at the same time.
· Love is just between a man and a women--or--Love between two women or two men is exactly the same as between straights.
Sometimes both of these different statements are true. Often both of the "beliefs" are questionable.
Yet, they may play a role in our thinking about love. Skepticism about any "saying" is usually healthy; we know very little for sure about love. Borcherdt (1996) tries to help us be rational about love.
I will briefly review for you a sampling of the additional research available. Some of the findings may be of little more value than the contradictory "wise sayings" above, but what other knowledge is available?
There are interesting classifications for types of lovers (Goldstine, et al., 1977) and for types of loves (Fromm, 1956; Lasswell & Lobsenz, 1980; Brehm, 1985). Being aware of these types may help you recognize some aspects of your own love relationships.
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